Why do Koreans say “our mom” instead of “my mom”?

The Standard Korean Language Dictionary lists, as one of the meanings of uri, a separate use for when the speaker shows a close relationship with someone or something. Uri eomma (우리 엄마, “our mom”), uri jip (우리 집, “our house”) and uri hakgyo (우리 학교, “our school”) are all this use. Here uri is not counting people; it carries the feeling of “the one I belong to, the one close to me.”

So people say uri eomma even with no siblings, and uri jip even when they live alone. A married woman calling her husband uri nampyeon (우리 남편, “our husband”) is the same use. Translated word for word into English, “our husband” sounds odd, but in Korean it is a completely ordinary phrase.

Nae eomma (내 엄마, “my mom”) is not wrong. But nae clearly marks whose it is, so it is mostly used to set someone apart from others, as when children arguing say “Nae eommaya, ne eomma aniya” (내 엄마야, 네 엄마 아니야, “She’s my mom, not your mom”). In everyday talk, saying “Nae eommaga geuraesseo” (내 엄마가 그랬어, “My mom said so”) can sound a little sharp or deliberately emphatic.

A common misconception is that using uri here is grammatically wrong. This use is a standard meaning listed in the dictionary, so telling a friend “Uri appa yori jalhae” (우리 아빠 요리 잘해, “My dad is a good cook,” literally “our dad”) is perfectly natural. Dropping uri and saying just “Appa yori jalhae” (아빠 요리 잘해) gets the same meaning across.

In front of a teacher or an older person, it is polite to use the humble jeohui (저희) instead and say “Jeohui eommaga naeil oseyo” (저희 엄마가 내일 오세요, “My mother is coming tomorrow”). Saying “Jeohui gajogeun neshieyo” (저희 가족은 넷이에요, “There are four in my family”) in a job interview follows the same rule.

Countries are the exception. The National Institute of Korean Language advises saying urinara (우리나라, “our country”) rather than jeohui nara (저희 나라), because there is no need to lower one’s country even in front of people from other countries. Try counting how many times you hear uri in a conversation with Korean speakers today, and you will notice how often the word marks a close relationship.